In France everyone calls McDonalds Mcdo. Like in the USA, it has a not so great reputation. Not healthy for sure. In France it has an added negative aspect in that the French see it’s success as yet another invasion of American cheapness & American capitalism. In the beautiful city of Paris you can find a McDo every ten blocks. The Golden arches hung in makeshift signs over ancient stone buildings.
I started working at McDo about 4 months ago (
https://acourseinmiraclesjournal.music.blog/2019/04/14/from-ceo-to-mcdo/ ) This was not “a plan” or idea of my own. It seems to have just happened. It seems very out of character to everyone around me. It is strange to see myself in the hairnet, rubber shoes and polyester uniform. I am completely out of my element, my comfort zone. A perfect recipe for miracles.
Miracle #1
My first week I was a little panicky. I was tired, my body hurt, I was doing a terrible job. One day I looked at the little clock on the screens. I saw the time 14:34… phew I thought… only 30 minutes to go. I continued running around filling cups with fizzy drinks and scooping fries. I dared look at the clock again… 14:34. What? No time had passed. I started to feel dizzy.
I must have read the clock wrong. I continued to run around dropping a tray of food, trying to understand the manager’s barks in french of what I should do next. I tried to wait as long as possible before looking at the clock again. 15 minutes must have passed! I dared look again… 14:34. WTF?!?!
The movie groundhogs day came to mind. I am trapped in time! Stuck in McDonalds!!!!! I started to panic. I felt the room spinning. I considered running out the door. I looked at the clock again wanting to see atleast the minute number advance. This time it was 13h34! I LOST an hour.
Some voice inside leaked in. “What are you ACTUALLY afraid of?” I am afraid of time. I am afraid of being stuck in time. I’m not afraid of being trapped in McDonalds, I am afraid of being trapped in this world, in this dream. I remembered when I was about 11 or 12 I loved horror films but the one I could not stand and could not watch was, A nightmare on Elm Street. At the time I knew I would not be able to wake myself up. I would be one of the ones who would believe the dream was real and live eternally chased and disemboweled by a razor fingered creepy guy.
This time I looked at the clock, I had still lost an hour but time was atleast once again advancing, 5 minutes, ten minutes… slowly but surely. I just have to get through this work shift.
But then what? I would go home and use my little tricks, eat, watch a movie, distract. What is the difference? Here or there it is the same. I am trapped!
This time I saw it. The thoughts, the fears… the belief I am trapped and can not get out. There remained a sort of depressed thought that I was not able to get myself out of this. But A Course in Miracles told me, I do not have to do it. In fact this little “I” can not “do” it. I just need a little willingness.
In this moment of hopelessness a window of willingness opened and I saw for the first time what the true fear was. What the fear was behind the years of panic attacks. What my fear of God looked like.
My ACIM Journal 